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So yesterday when I really needed to feel Gods love and feel his presence for the calmness and peace, I walked into worship just hoping. I just closed my eyes, held my hand up and said here I am, I fully surrender myself to you Lord, in that moment I felt the overwhelming of his presence surround and comfort me, it was just me, the Victory Family Church worship team, and God. I begin to cry as I heard him whisper- my child this is meant to destroy you but I am your God and this will be for my Glory no matter what. Then it hits me God trust me because he knows I will turn to him. I will rise above this BECAUSE OF WHO MY GOD IS and HIS promises.
Word of advice- Don’t let PEOPLE or SITUATIONS destroy who you are especially when you have a God who will Always hold you up to Deliver you!!!!
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I want this to be more of an open discussion topic. Why do you think we accept this? What’s been your expierence with this or a family member that has became addicted? Anymore when you watch TV you see either a prescription commercial with horrifying ‘possible side effects’ or an Attorney suing a drug company for a disease or death you received while taking it. When is enough, enough? They are making millions in a vicious circle. You take one pill for one thing but then you end up taking more pills because of the side effects of that medication. Most pain pills are narcotics for a reason and it’s becoming such a problem. Most pills are just handed out and as much as the doctors are watched some are just as bad to give you a pill for everything. Now I’m not saying ALL doctors to this but it just takes a few and you have a really huge problem on your hands. I am one of the very few that put my body through so much to be so blessed to have the health I have.

FeaturedDon’t be sad

Don’t hang your head low because you’re sad….look up because you’re looking toward your God! Keep your eyes locked on him, he has your answers. He created you on purpose for a purpose. Let him show you the way. When all you can see is darkness all around you, look up at his light. It’s shining down for you and on you. Your light isn’t burned out. Be the light in a dark world. Take  a stand and believe.

Fear

FeaturedFear

Does fear control you? Why when it comes to do something great with our lives fear stops us? Why don’t we feel like we deserve better? I started to realized a pattern….everytime oppurtunity knocks I talk myself out of it. But why? Usually even though rejection is number one soon to follow is insecurities and feelings of not being good enough always out way the 10,000 positives if it does work out. Fear is a feeling and feelings are temporary. Why base your decision off a temporary feeling when its going to leave you with regret? Fear will rob you of your future and make you question everything. Attempting something and it failing a time or two is apart of learning how to make it happen. Start believing in yourself. Start believing you can accomplish anything if you try hard and long enough!! Everyone started somewhere and it wasn’t at top. Everyone has paid a price to accomplish their dreams and to fulfill your dreams. We need to stop holding ourselves back.

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Giving up isn’t an option

Suicide…. some people can’t even imagine what it’s like to debate and others can relate exactly what they’re thinking and going through. Why do some struggle with it and some couldn’t imagine ever thinking about it. Maybe if more would be open about their struggle instead of pretending their life is perfect then the numbers would be down. So with that being said… I struggle with thought of suicide. I have struggled since a teenager. I have struggled as a NON believer and a fully devoted believer. I can tell you 3 times in my life where I could picture exactly how to do it and it sounded better than living. The first was as a complete non-believer (I believed there was NO God), a drunk driver killed my sister and we were very close, my home life was a wreck, I had lost my grandpa who raised me 8 months prior, I had lost all hope and the pain seemed like it was going to be unbearable for the rest of my life. I became very depressed and thought about suicide almost everyday for 1 1/2 years. I was in counseling twice a week for about a year after. Because when we lost my grandpa I started taking my grandma to church, after 2 years I began to question if there really was a God. Mother Emily prayed a healing prayer over me and I began to uncontrollably cry and I couldn’t stop for about an hour. I felt like I had cried all that pain from my heart and I knew then there was a God. I would read random posts about God and random verses that were common and within 6 months I got pregnant with my daughter. It was impossible for me to have anymore children after my son and we had tried for 5 years and believed the doctors. We had separated for 6 months and then begin to hang out again and I found out. I literally became homeless, jobless, had a boyfriend, truck and 2 kids. Well I’ll just say it got a lot worse before it began to get better. I knew I had to keep this baby and it was a girl. Sure enough the day we found out it was a girl, I was in shock I couldn’t come up with a name. So one night I sat on the back porch and just began to talk to God and just knew there was. That night I named my daughter Faith Leeann, Faith is so I will never lose my faith in God. Leeann is my sisters middle name. Looking back God had been building my testimony. Becoming a devoted christian yes I still sometimes hit lows and question my purpose, question my strength in a struggle, but God has proven to me too many times in this life if I can just hold on he’ll fix it. If you have a breath you still have a purpose. My grandma served a purpose up to the time she took her last breath. She made sure it was everything she promised….peaceful. I’ve had good days and alot of bad ones too but I always know that if I give it to God to turn my mess into a message, my test into a testimony, it’s going to get better. And if you’re at the bottom the only way to start going is back up. There’s no amount of counseling that will fix it to where you never have another suicidal thought but there’s a God that is counting every tear trying to hold and comfort you. It’s the one “person” you’ll never be able to push away no matter how long or hard you try. Psalms 91:9-12= If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your home. For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you up with their hands so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone. 14- The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation.” Yes he talking to and about YOU!!!!!

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Deal with it

Why do we always seem to make bad decisions when our lives are in chaos? Do we like making things worse? No it’s all in how we are used to dealing with things. It’s like a cycle that we turn to when things get rough. Some people drink, drugs, clubs, smoke cigarettes, shut down, freak out, turn angry, eat a lot, quit eating, read their bibles, pray….some being positive and most reactions or decisions based off what others are doing to us resulting in hurting ourselves. Stop the cycle. Change the way you handle life because it’s never-ending.

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Walk the same as you talk

If u present yourself one way and then another way it’s time to evaluate who you want to be. If your happy and confident within yourself then be proud but not cocky. If you struggle like most change and work on what you don’t like one day and one thing at a time. Just be true, if you don’t like it work on it. That’s all you can do about it.

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Lost

Have you ever lost someone in your life that completely changed your life? I have realized my grandma was my link. Link to funny stories, the link to family, the link to normal. My grandparents Always kept family together no matter what, so why did that die with them? It seems to have changed my life. Do I take charge or stay in the place they left me?

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The World

Let me start this story by saying, me and my husband have 6 kids. I had 2 boys (16 & 10) and my daughter is 5. My husband had 2 boys (14 & 13) and a daughter 11. The other night my oldest daughter (technically step daughter) came in crying because a teenage boy hit her in the face with a basketball. All I asked her was for a name and was your brothers out there. I rushed out the door and heard someone say, “uh-oh here comes her mom.” My husband was out of town so it was up to me. I asked what happened to give him a chance but him and my boys (technically step as well) explained she just didn’t catch it. They were in the middle of a game and he tried to pass her the ball. So I broke up the game for the night. As I walked back in the house I could see how upset she was. I had to tell her she was getting older and could play with boys like that because they’re rough. It broke my heart because she is becoming a young woman but she has always been a tom boy. As adults we have a hard time with change and holding on to the person “we’ve been or we have to be this way to survive” The world is that way. That’s why your not suppose to live by this world. It can be ugly but don’t let it take your beauty! Then I watch our 5 year old catching bugs and making them a home out of a container (coloring it, it became a home) and seeing the beauty in a “nasty” water bug with a broke leg. That’s because one has experienced the pain of this world and one is still so innocent.

Time heals all wounds if you’ll let it

FeaturedTime heals all wounds if you’ll let it

Forgiveness…..what does it truly mean or even look like? I’ll look stupid to other people. I have every right to be and stay angry! He deserves it after how bad he hurt me. They don’t deserve my forgiveness. Well, I’m here to tell you in a sense you’re right. You do have the right and yes they probably do deserve it, but forgiving someone is for you to have peace, not necessarily for them!!!!!! You DO DESERVE peace and happiness. Think about all the hurt and baggage you’ve carried from one relationship to the next. Friendships too from what other friends did or said. You doing the same thing you’ve been doing isn’t going to work forever. Even if you’ve been married 20 years, you might still have that hurt from your husband (for a phone call he never made, a kiss he never gave) that you just never got over. Trust me if A) you still bring it up, fights or in your mind OR  B) you sit and wonder why that pains still there, you didn’t truly forgive. I’m not saying if you forgive that means you’ll forget. What I am saying is when you do think about it (even an act of betrayal) when you can think about what you gained from it, the good that came out of it. People do hurtful and selfish things, but forgive them anyway. God has forgiven you and he’s nothing but peace and love. Jesus who was BETRAYED by a close friend, a disciple, he chose to forgive freely because it gave him a peace. See forgiving someone isn’t “letting them off the hook” it’s so you can have peace!! One last thing, you may think it looks “cooler” or you acting “tougher” is the way to be so “people don’t run all over you” They already defeated you when you changed who you were BECAUSE OF THEIR ACTIONS OR WORDS. You were a young innocent girl until that man TOOK your innocence, so as a teenager you sleep with guy after guy looking for that acceptance. He changed you forever in a negative way. You can take that and counsel young girls, minister to people, talk about how that didn’t mark your identity, what you went through and struggled through to be AN OVERCOMER and USED IT FOR YOUR GOOD NOT HIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! You don’ t have to be that angry, hurt person anymore. Do this for YOU, this one thing. Write every emotion you felt, everything it has destroyed in you and in your life, and cry like you are washing that label off you, cry like you are pouring the deep pains that you’ve hidden for so long. Test it, see if I’m lying to you. Time does heal all wounds if you’ll let it!!!!

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Life or Death

What if we lived off what we knew instead of how we felt? Everything, everybody will always give you a feeling, good or bad. So instead of what they did to make us mad (FEELING), what if we didn’t react with that EMOTION? Would our outcome be any different? Yes, yes, yes!! If you let that Emotion explode BECAUSE of what someone did (keep in mind you have NO control over) more than likely their going to respond on the defense. On the other hand if you step back, acknowledge exactly why or what they did and respond with I didn’t like this because and maybe it’s from this unresolved issue (sometimes). They most likely will have a lot less aggressive response or open up the line of communication. If you think about it everything revolves around EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION. Every relationship you will have, even the store clerk, communication is the key. You have the power of LIFE or DEATH in your tongue. When you speak positive to or about people, you speak LIFE into them. When you speak negative, you are speaking DEATH. Maybe sometimes you THINK you want that, but you don’t because if they were a better person or what you wanted them to be then you probably would like or enjoy or even be friends. So speak what you would like to see in that person and bring that to Life!! You hold ALL the power and haven’t realized it until now. Be bold and step out and start by speaking Life into the enemy you want to destroy. Believe it or not it’s the ticket to your freedom!!

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Love when Its Hard

The panic attacks keep coming, my heart keeps bounding, my mind keeps going in circles about it. Why do we let things out of our control consume us? I sit here and wonder as my mind wonders out of control. It’s not me who could snap and fix it. So why isn’t this fixed? Ready to destroy love because I can’t control the hate that it makes me feel. But that’s the goal is to make you question why can’t he love me, the very reason you’re there, the feelings of incompetence and no self-worth. But I sit and still question why. Why will I be the one in the cold, I’m willing to dive in or back off, I’m waiting for your direction but feel so lost. I wait and wait. I keep asking why me-why am I chosen for this path if I feel like a failure everywhere I turn? Which direction am I suppose to be headed? Maybe it’s the thrill of a challenge, maybe it’s not worth waiting or fighting for….till I hear your direction I continue to stand still. It’s the fear of the unknown that s makes us question in circles, so when does it stop? Tomorrow is unknown, the next 6 months is unknown, maybe if we realized there’s no guarantees then we would stop wondering and just live day by day!!

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Change

Usually you have two types of people when it comes to change. Those who embrace and accept it and those who hate and fight it. We all have those changes that nobody likes- divorce, lost of a loved one, kids growing up way too fast, etc. But what if we accepted a positive change for ourselves? What would happen if we could stop fighting something that will happen no matter how hard and long you tried fighting? Constant change is apart of life, it’s going to happen, good or bad. What if I told you I believe we can control the outcome of if it’s a good/positive change? When I lost my grandma I secretly felt like my world was taken, all her wisdom, I became very lost and felt defeated in a sense. But I realized she has served her purpose and as many times as she has beat cancer and fought lupus for about 20 years, she waited and fought until she knew I was okay and she knew that after I gave my life to Christ in 4/2013. She had comfort in knowing when she left I would rely on my husband (2015) and God to carry this. So that motivated me like never before. Carrying her with me, I’m passing a piece of her even though she’s not on this earth. So here’s where my choices started affected things. When I started feeling the sadness and reality of a great loss, I got down and counted myself out. If I would have have CHOSE TO STAY in that place of depression it would have stayed bad and more bad choices would have followed. If I would have fought the change from who I was, my grandma would have never had that peace with her. But when I CHOSE to take that and use it for motivation to do something she left in me it created a series of good things. I knew she was very proud of the person I became, which gave me peace. I grew closer to God, starting having a sense of fight to keep going, I had a wedding ceremony that completely restored my marriage (canceled it until a month before cause her presence would have made it unbearable) but I had her sense of shopping and had an awesome SUPPORT SYSTEM that helped make her presence there. So you don’t have to let the bad over take you. YOU DO HAVE THE CHOICE TO TURN IT INTO A GOOD THING. Thanks and God Bless!!

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None left

There will be those days you feel like you have nothing left but remember you’re not done serving your purpose. Focus more on the things you can change versus the things you can’t, focus more that it’s only temporary. Look back on all the situations you have beat. I know sometimes we feel like we’re being tested with the famous saying, “God wouldn’t give you more than you can handle” well it is true and yes you are being tested. People want to keep you stuck where you are, yes misery loves company, and people can be very mean and hateful (yes even family), but those very people who are busy keeping you down with their words and actions are the very fuel you NEED to keep fighting and quit worrying about them more than you. I had to learn this the hard way and trust me at times still trying to learn it. Stand up and do something positive with the negative!! People treat you how you allow them to treat you. I know that was hard to read, but it’s when you realize that when changes are made. Trust me you can’t change them, just pray about them and move on, but you can change YOU and you can control YOUR actions and words!! And trust me when I say I write this blog to help people about personal things that I’ve had to learn the hard way or it’s taken me years to finally catch on. It’s sometime days I need that reminder. It’s a process and I’m very excited to share this time with you! Thank you

I often wonder while listening to people talk and offers others advice…..how can you give someone advice if you’re not educated about it? If you don’t have children, but you have been State educated, you should give advice to your friend. If you don’t have children and hang out with nieces and nephews, you probably aren’t equipped to be asking, “why do it this way,  you should just spank them, my kids wouldn’t be like that, this is what I would do if my kids did that.” You’ve never been through it so you offer support and love. If you’ve been divorced once, offer sound advice on the positive that you wish you had done that may have saved your marriage (yes they’re those marriages nothing could be done) but don’t tell someone a bunch of negative advice and comments about how you don’t feel that’s right for their marriage. Read the bible, educate yourself on a healthy marriage, learn what marriage is about and understand what works in your marriage may not work in theirs. If you’ve never had an addiction, then you don’t understand how someone can’t just stop something. It’s became a habit. Offer love and suuport and an ear. Sometimes when people want someone to talk to, they just want to be heard. Not an opinion.